I have used Instagram to build my business. It is where I get to attract, magnetize and connect with clients who get my ethos, my POV and my values. Instagram in turn, has used me. To lurk, to watch, to judge, to take, to gain insight on where my headspace is at. This weirdness has become increasingly obvious as I have watched people, watching me, knowing that they know the depth of pain in my life in the past seven months, and not reaching out. It feels increasingly wrong. What are we all doing here?
Facebook is a place of memories, of birthday reminders. And for me, increasingly, triggers. The memories are a reminder of a person I no longer am, something that could / should be celebrated I suppose, but also some cringe moments when I see and hear my ego speaking. And the birthday reminders are a reminder to me how far removed I have become from friends that were / are in my life that I need a handy digital reminder of their most significant day. If they have indeed kept their birthday as part of their profile, unlike me who deleted that to save myself from a barrage of automated responses. Triggers, because it is still the place where people can pour their pain, and where I can torture myself reading comments. It feels increasingly wrong. What are we all doing here?
X. Oh X – how I loved you when you were the blue bird of snarky commentary, breaking news and smart sharp minds, where I could connect and re-connect with people who could make me guffaw, gasp, applaud, share, learn, deep dive over and over. Now you too are an algorithm, a data collection point, another distraction. I look to see when I last posted: 11th October, 25th July before that. A profound Brene Brown tweet from 2019 is still getting reposted this week. My previous zeitgeist marker, X feels tinny and hollow now. Unlike FB and IG, where you can deactivate your account, X offers no alternative: stay or go. I stay. Maybe one day I will need to find someone or something. It feels increasingly wrong. What are we all doing here?
LinkedIn. Like the cobbler with no shoes and the baker with no bread, I started a KAMuses account so that I could add it back into my personal profile (something I never did for Kezi Communications which remains a blank square on my career movements). It is a dusty street of neglect. We use LinkedIn so well for our clients: a place of storytelling and positioning, and a place for them to platform milestone moments. Personally I venture in every now and then, but forget to engage, applaud as I scroll through at speed. It feels increasingly wrong. What are we all doing here?
I have been invited to pilot new platforms like Faves – which was fun until it became a repost platform. I have played on TikTok until I realised I simply do not have the time to create that specific content, for that brilliant algorithm that is surpassing all others. I inadvertently set up Threads the other day and I see that overnight I have collected followers without a single post. It feels increasingly wrong. What are we all doing here?
I am hyper-sensitive attuned at the moment – my nerve wires open and sizzling – I feel everything deeply. There is no misinterpretation, there is no misreading, there is no missing of whose eyes are on me. I am deeply grounded in the knowing. It is making my work better. I am also deeply in the work of a journey so hard and so brutal that I am sometimes quite breathless with the pain of it. And so I wonder about the frivolity of social media, of the tiny glimpses of what it gives into complex lives, complex work, complex campaigns. Am I making it sound too easy? Am I making it sound too hard? Am I making people uncomfortable with what we have accomplished at speed, at impact, despite all the obstacles? Am I making people uncomfortable with the glimpses of pain I allow you to see?
It seems silly to deactivate all accounts again. The thing that saved me before. But when I am craving so much, I also don’t think that people checking in on stories as a proof of life is a healthy space for me. When I am feeling sassy and can throw shade on the industry (is that what you are here for?) it skates over hard news just received. When I share some humanity to manage that I am not all machine, it skates over the depth and breadth of life. People love drama, they love shots fired. Until it is your life being watched.
And so in this time of immense loss for me: of an imagined home, of long-standing friends, of deeply loved ones, of increasingly irrelevant possessions, of a future no longer (never) certain … I must add the fading allure of social media. If I am not sure it is a good place for me anymore (if I am triggered, hurt - am I triggering, hurting you?), is it a good place for you? Am I here to teach or learn? And learning requires silence. I have always held to the hell yeah adage when taking on work / projects … the glimmer that we could take this into game changing territory, the industry pride that we could show what PR COULD do, but in this sizzling and fizzling, I find myself censoring myself more, cautioning myself on the responsibility of reality vs perception.
Perhaps I am better in long form on this platform. Perhaps I have nothing left to teach in #PRChurch. Perhaps this substack will morph into musings. The social media handle I came up with as I exited a massive stage of my life so many years ago. How strange. A PR rejecting PR. But then you knew that I was never the sheep. Time to be the wolf again. You have my number.
Love KA